I am in grief and in grief I must write. We stayed up all night watching Tigger breathing hard, lying down, and not himself. Today we had to put him to sleep. It was very peaceful and he was so beautiful still. It didn’t look or feel like he was dead. It felt more like he went to sleep and I still feel as if he were home with my parents right now.
After watching a few of our babies go, we usually pick up on the subtle signs. Cats get ill and very subtle things mean very serious underlying diseases. I just didn’t know it would be so sudden and so soon. Tigger had loose poo on and off and vomitted. The vet gave him Metronidazole and said it might be IBS. It cured him instantly and we were overjoyed, but the last few days on the medication he looked a bit listless and strange. Once he was off the medication he was himself again! That lasted a few days so we put him on the medication again. He was cured once again for a few days, but suddenly last night he seemed to be very uncomfortable, not able to sleep, panting, and just very very tired. It turned out he had acute diabetes. The vet said it is usually caused by another underlying disease and very difficult to regulate his blood sugar levels with insulin.
I am just sad that we had these two babies on raw diets and both had diseases that raw diets should have prevented. Liver cancer for Mochi, which was such am unexpected fluke at age of three, and now acute diabetes? Maybe it was in their genes. Maybe my friend was right when he said it’s like bigger dogs lived shorter lives; our bigger cats lived shorter than average lives. Whatever the reasons, I think it is safe to say that we will miss Tigger very much, and with him, the constant reminder of Mochi around my parent’s house.
I am sad but also relieved that this was the way Tigger went. He did not suffer too long in illness and he was his spunky self for almost all of his days with us. We had a couple of miracles and many scares that were nothing at all. I wished, as for all our cats in the past, that he’d stayed with us until at least 15. Dare I even ask for 18, 20? But it was his time, and we are at peace with it. I do believe their little spirits will come back to visit from time to time because I hear their distinct steps some nights around their favorite places. Tigger will probably be the last cat we will ever have because it is just too much of a heartache. It has been definitely easier this time compared to all the ones before. We learned to let go and enjoy the laughter they brought us.
Tigger and Mochi’s pictures actually bring me joy instead of grief right now. Maybe it is because somehow it felt like Tigger is just sleeping right now somewhere at my mom’s house. He doesn’t always hang around where we are, he just does his thing. Mochi was tougher because he liked to stick to us and be near us wherever we went. I know I will eventually start missing Tigger more when I can’t go rub his belly or play with him with his favorite rainbow string. But who knows, maybe he is hanging out in spirit along with Mochi at my parent’s house right now.